memoiRs Of tHe dyiNg

typing my thoughts relaxes me.

i did..

i already did..

im fine..

thanx..

Lyndon doesn’t seem to care so no sense of telling him. I can’t dare tell Macky. He once told me that I shouldn’t be stupid like him. He fell in love with someone who has a loved one. This someone was very loving to him. He took that actions and mistook it for love though he knows that this someone does it to everybody. What’s more stupid is that he admitted this someone. Ain’t that stupid? And because of that the greatest friendship I (we) have ever built vanished. Gone. Poof!! SH*T! I asked Macky yesterday, if he could turn back time and change something, what would he change? He answered (that d**n b**t**d) I would not have formed ___(the greatest barkada ever formed) Sh*t him!! I am slowly beginning to the Macky. There are times that I’d like to avoid him. But there’s no one else he could turn to. His bestfriend (Miko) is far away. Ms. CBA girl is too busy putting make up.  I feel like Macky is so alone. He has no friends. Well, he has us but hell-o!!! He is avoiding KULASAW. Because of someone!! and because of that Macky is drifting away from KULASAW. The others think its because of his mom. But NO!! that is not the reason why he doesn’t eat with us anymore. I know the reason. Yes, I do know. IT IS BECAUSE OF HIM!!!! Macky could be so damn selfish. Can’t he see that the barkada is affected by what he is doing? He is so STUPID!! Shit him!! Deep inside he expects that that someone would split with his love one very much. COME on Macky!! Open your eyes. You’re a b**t**d and StuPid!! And selfish!! You’re a stupid bastard!! And selfish too!!! ( thought drift somewhere..someone..) baklag kaayo amu topic. As in.. its about death..hhmmm..actually,near death experiences.. hapit man gud ko.. nagasakay ko ug van.. naa pa jud ko front sit. Drive drive drive ang driver ddtoh dapit mabuhay vinyl corporation..kurbada.. sala man sa jeep na amu na-engkwintro.. Ni-overtake siya.. grabe..hadlok kaayo. Ang ako ra Makita is ang headlight sa jeep. As in.. pero buang ko doh!! Wa lage ko nishagit? Thak you jud ayo LORD kay naa pa ko diri.. basta.. ako na gistory sa iya..you know..him..him..azn him.. daun concerned siya.. touched ayo ko..as in.. AS IN!!! nyahahaha..hehe..kadgahn pa jud xa naka-experience ug near-death experiences. Naa biya siya sakit oist..ehe..basta ana xa nahan daw siya mka-experience anang feeling mamatay.. bad au bah?? Huhhu.. ana ko na naa jud muhilak.. ana siya like who? Ana ko na “ emu family”..ehe.saonz!!! basta.. di nko magHOPE na ma-kami.. it won’t happen. As in!! IT REALLY WOULD NOT HAPPEN!! Az in!!! huhuhu.. the truth huts.. but really honestly it won’t happen!! So dammit APRIL

STOP HOPING!!

–here it ends..

Hehehe.. that was years ago. Now…life is so colorful for me.. ^^,.. kulasaw has a new member.. that is yeng.. we are now known as KULASAW+.. dawn studies now at Iligan Medical Center College.

Macky is a-okay..he approved this d bah??^^.. KUL hasn’t really vanished.. but in a way, I still feel I’m in KUL..individually the people forming this KUL has made me feel like they haven’t really forgotten the memories we shared, and the secrets told.. thank you guys.. ilove you so much..

by the way.. the moment  I stopped hoping that me and francis will ever be together, he started to make me feel that there was a chance.. and there was.. he courted me.. we became US…boyfriend-girlfriend stuff..but we broke up.. after that a series of flings..and a content ghel..^^.. I am a happy girl.. no matter what happens..^^, ..

To those who are curious but has the decency to not ask, and those who doesn’t care but is not really affected if I tell.. I am happy..content in life..i may have problems but I know they’ll pass. Someone will always be watching over me..and will always be there for me.. and that I am sure of. ^^.. lallala love life and totootototot hopin’ it would nevah end..^^

atOht lage ning frenster ai!?! wa ko ksabot!! but gnHn ko sa plaCe na eLa geEngOn nah LOCATION nako!! ahehe

tGa-GB daw kOh!!haha!! saoN nlng^^..

hahai!! amBot ning aKong life oiE!! gEatOt lng!!!

there are really a lot of things that made me realize about myself for the past two days of break of my life..

1. when things build up in my life, they build up.. i smile my problems away..laugh it all off..if possible ignore..it may not be obvious..but each night i cry..but when light comes, i smile and try(which happens most of the time) to hide what i trully really feel.. i quote yeng "ana man juD kah..pirmi lang ‘okay’ ang tubag bsta pangutan-on ‘musta ka?’"..well, that’s me..but if i am fed uP of the NEGATIVE vibes around me, i explode..and those at the top..those that made me go boom..those that were the latest negatives, are the LUCKY ones to taste my anger…sori mak..^^..and when i am done exploding(which is really a short span of time as long as i have someone/sumting to burst with), i smile..and i’m okay again..hehe..THAT IS ME ANGRY..^^
2. my family is a big part of my life..just missing a big event(such as a reunion) is a really big deal for me..(note my anger on previous post)..it’s a good thing mu uncle offered me for us to go to minaulon for the reunion..i was happy..i’LL post pictures later..i love my family..and i am really proud that i am a MARCERA-OLIVEROS ghel..(i won raffle..20pesos..enough for 24-hr unLi)..ahehehe..
3. my uncle..he takes care of us in many ways..it doesn’t matter how much money he spends just to make you happy..it doesn’t matter how many times he "libre" you..what matters most..is how many times he went out of his way just to make you happy..that is my uncle..tito beling..evry mowning he would make hatod me..if im home alone, he would dine/eat with me..offer to do things..he even went with me sa parlor..that is my tito..i know he’ll always be here..^^..an im happy he is..

well..those are the things, im sure about my self..there are somethings i’m not yet sure of..and i hope, he’ll/she’ll show to me just how sure he/she is..im just happy that she/he is here..and im praying that he’ll stay..ILOVEYOUALL..^^

and i thought my day was going to be soooooOOO nicE!!!

xet u all..and i wonder why i would always find excuses jUst to NOT hang with you?!!

xet!!!!

ireesponsible!! i wonder if she told you to tell us and yet you didn’t!!

do you know how much it costs to travel back and forth!! grrrrr…bad trip!!!! im really hating you guys right now!!! it’s a good thing you’re not replying to my messages!!or else..uLL really "see" me angry!!

gahd?!!!! i really wanna say the F word!!! aaaarrrrgghh1!!!!! FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

my keyboard is so totured right now!!!! aaaaaaaaaAAAAAA….fFFFFFFF…xet!xet!xet!!fak!fak!fak!fak!!!! that’s for each and everyone of you!!! gahd!!!!!!

so u know that other people have plans?!!! huhh?!! are u really that selfish?!!! are you really that self-centered?!! fak?!!u have no…..!!?!?!?!!? fak!!!!

spiderman 3 is not wortth the crap im goin througH?!!!so wat if i didn’t get to watch it?!! xet!!!

if i hadn’t traveled..i would have cxelebrated a birthday with my sister!!!?!! so you say..next year?!! HELLO????!!!!! Will my ate be turning 21 next year?!!!! a birthday only comes once a year?!?! stupid?!!!?!

i quote sir baroro, " mao ni nakapasa sa AHSE??? YOU’RE NOT WORTH IT!"…fak al of you?!!

if you show ur face this week, uL see how angry i am with you?!!! i’ll ignore you..and if u try to talk to me..uL see tha anger in my eyes..

for i know myseLF when i am angry…and i dont like it?!!! fak all you!!!!!!

FAK!!! i know one of u will read this..and a friend of one of u read this, please do tell them that…

I AM FACKING ANGRY WITH THEM!!!!!

FACK!!!! XET!!!!!

My anger?!!?!?!?!?!?!

xet!!!!!ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM HATING ALL OF YOU!!!

comment or uL die!!

agoi!!! ahehe..nice au.. nalingAw ko ni siR aRt..

at firSt, na-disappoint jud ko kay dili si mam khanDz amu c.i..xa man untAh toh..tapos they suddenly chaNged tHe sked de to some people asking some favors (u know hu u are!!! scums of HELL!!! *exaj..XD) ..tapos ana..na-under mi sa amu TERROR teacher..daun la na pd mi na under ni mam khAndz..aus man gud jUd si mam..ke dghaN ko nakat-unan sa eYa bah didtOh cebu..

so now, ward duty is under sir aRT..

loading– we waited dpt sa guArd chuva sa Dr. Uy Hospital(DUH)..naa ra daay xa sa staxon..gisaka pah namu..minus points..plus paghtag ug patients, Muslim (not that i have something agenst them..they are just known to be uncooperative..that’s all..) amu px..but fortunately akoa ke educated..hehe..sabay..rehas maN guD mi edaD..^^

pagdUty- i really thot boring..lalala..daun..aUs..hands-on..azn..tanan..nice pd kay kaeLa niya mga nUrses bah!! so mga nuRses naay saleg sa amu..twagon pa jud ka if naay proCedure ipabuhAt..(awp..ako ginatwag koh!! hehe..XD),..naka-aSsist ko ug NGT insertion..yehey!! hehe…nakaTRY pd ko ug buTang ug CONDOM CATHETER..AHEhehe..agoi noi!! daun suGot pd amU c.i. na maghaTag mi ug IV med’s!!! ang saya!! ang pikas man gud ke diLi..kaya ang saYa!!ahehe..

naa puD ko nakat-unan sa eya atoHng ngdRugs study mi..d p jud nemu mafeel ang pressure..azn..kaLma lng..heheang uban kay TH azn trYing haRd..ow well..thats her..aw him para di mabuko..LOL..jowk ra oie..ahehe..^^

tapos..piRmi jud na dungAn mi ug lunch..tapos,,MANGHATAG XA UG SUD-AN!!!!! AHhehehe…un ang da bEst!!! azn!! first kay cUryy (tungod kay nhalangan xa..hehe..) daun chOpsuey (tungod kay daghan rah kaau sud-an)..daun ang stek niya (ambot nya..bsta nanghatag xa..)ahehe..happy kow!!

matud pah ni thea..ako daw eya partner..mu-deny ko..mu-insist ko na si Rachel..hehe..so ana xa ako daw ang left hand..awp..yehs na lng pd kow!! ahehehe..^^

now that ouR duTy is oVer..my dreaDed time has come..magCASE PRESENTATION mi!! mhaDLok juD ko basta amu sexon..MOST OF OUR CP’s ARE FAILURES!!! wa pah gani mi nagsabOt ron para ani..karon na ra bang tUesday!! unsah pd ning..atOt oie..basta..d ko mag-ulo2x ana.!! atot lng.. d nako gnhan mag-cramming!! if nhn mu!! bahala mU!! sumo!!

hahai..sheri an..i wish u are here..para i-unite mi..u know me bya..wa qy care if waLa’y care ang uban..–,..ambot na ani oie..

i so want this CP to be successful..if anything, it’s for the CLINICAL INSTRUCTOR!!! but i cant do this alone..D!!! letch mu!!

PS : tnx teris kay nikuyog ka atong niadto ko HP ganiha tapos la jpn ta’y nabuhat..tnx anyway..ana si strisboL..tnx da..kay kaw ang amu bridge!! ahehe..^^

tC mUng tanan!!! mwuah!!

eiFwiL 

Raindrops are the bravestthings ever created by God. Want to know why?

because they are never afraid of falling..

———————

can i be somebody’s raindrop? i know am not afraid..Char Lng..^^

Who are you?

You come in different faces and i stiLL don’t know who you are…

You tell me to trust you, but your absence makes it painful,..

You promise to make me happy but you give me heartaches when i hold on…

You give me strength but you kill me gently…

Are you really blind not to see how much you make me suffer?

You say you can move mountains but why can’t you not make me smile?

You really are a mystery, aren’t you?

And i don’t know who you are…

I don’t know if you’re good or bad…

‘Cause you know when i try to feel you, it just hurt…

HEART

iT’s next

to IMPOSSIBLE

to find

somebody

who will NEVER

make you

CRY..

so…

gEt tHe next

best thing…

fInd soMeoNe whO’s

woRth aLL tHe PAIN!!

————————————-

so true..when wiLL i ever meet thE guY who’s goinG to be woRth iT??…*sigh….

iT startEd likE this..Y_Y

my hEad hUrt…majOr hEadAche..dUnnow why..it juSt huRt,,do i really have to explain the pathopHysioLogy of headAche..uhmm..any ways..as i waS saYing…MAJOR HEADACHE..

fIrst thinKing..it wAs cOz of hUnger..i ate..breakfast..lunch..then 3 meatbreads.. hu wud be hungry afTer tHat???it was nOt cOz of hUnger..

uhmm..tHen i thought iT was tHE heat..i tOok a bath..a long cooLd baTh..to soooth my nErves..neuRons..bRAin..whAteVah..did nOt woRk..hEad stiLL hurt..

tHen…i VOMIT..sorta eFfective..vomitted EVERYTHING i ate..from breakfAst to Lunch..to meatbreadS..EVERYTHING..i duNnow whY..

i hAve aLwaYs like tHe feeL of vOmiting..i duNnow why..

my rOomates(when we LIVED in cebu) toLd me i hAd "monster burps"..i do acTually..i donT know..they were "monstrous" since i couLd remember..

then theres vomiting../-.-/i donT haVe a probLem with that..is it a disease oR somEThing?? i duNow..i hOpe nOt..bUt i hav no pLans of goiNg to the doctOr very soon..it woULd only add expense..and if i DO go..i wouLd only add to our probLems.. that’s another story..

my head okAy now..i doN’t know..

the voMit sort of heLPed..